Project Meditation: Week 1 – My Brain is a Wreck
One of my goals from my post about being better was to begin meditating for 5 minutes a day every day. It’s been a week, 7 full days, and here are my findings.
First, Getting Oriented – My Religious Beliefs
I’m an atheist without any inclination towards spirituality. I was raised with the Chinese tradition of ancestor worship and any communication with a higher power ended with praying to the polytheistic gods of lost and found when my Power Rangers went missing. In the 3rd grade, my parents decided to put me into the Catholic education system. So, I went to the Church’s after school program for a year, was taught, indoctrinated, and baptised. I was admitted to St. Joseph Elementary and stayed in that education system until graduating high school. Why I stopped believing is another series of posts all together. In short: philosophy, history, biology, astrophysics, and the news. But that’s all irrelevant. What is relevant is that I would like to approach meditation from a completely secular point of view. Flo, a good friend who convinced me to try this in the first place, told me that this was possible.
I’ve been doing mindful meditation (vipassana) for 5 minutes a day for the purposes of discipling my thoughts and emotions. This involves sitting still, closing my eyes, counting my breaths, and not being active in my thoughts (I’ve copied down a set of instructions if you want to try it yourself).
CONCLUSION: Meditation is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
My mind goes into panic mode the second I start ignoring its thoughts. It screams at me in all CAPS like a child needing attention. When I ignore it, it changes its strategy from loudness to influence, bringing up thoughts that are the most stressful or most exciting:
“You should go eat, or work, or apply for graduate school, or be a doctor like your parents always wanted you to. Call that girl, see that movie, click that link, or go for a run. What about that project you wanted to start?”
Five minutes in and I feel like I’m holding on for dear life on a rollercoaster caught in a tornado.
“Count your breaths” I tell myself. 8 minutes in and I think I’ve restarted my count 6 times. Now I’m counting how many times I’ve restarted my count. Shit, I’m thinking too much again. Back to 1.
It’s my 7th day of meditating and I think I’m beginning to understand why meditating requires practice – lots of practice. You’d think that sitting there silently was easy. It isn’t. It’s harder than running.
But like a runner’s high, meditation, even in small doses, has granted me a taste of it’s benefits. It is extremely difficult to put it into words and even more difficult to put it into words that aren’t “fluffy sounding”. Instead, I ask you to just try it. 5 minutes, that’s all it takes. Do it for 5 minutes, and feel how you feel.
I am curious to know what’s left when my brain is trained to become silent. I shall post again after a month.
MINDFULNESS MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS:
- Find a quiet and comfortable place. Sit in a chair or on the floor with your head, neck and back straight but not stiff.
- Try to put aside all thoughts of the past and the future and stay in the present.
- Become aware of your breathing, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body as you breathe. Feel your belly rise and fall, the air enter your nostrils and leave your mouth. Pay attention to the way each breath changes and is different.
- Watch every thought come and go, whether it be a worry, fear, anxiety or hope. When thoughts come up in your mind, don’t ignore or suppress them but simply note them, remain calm and use your breathing as an anchor.
- If you find yourself getting carried away in your thoughts, observe where your mind went off to, without judging, and simply return to your breathing. Remember not to be hard on yourself if this happens.
- As the time comes to a close, sit for a minute or two, becoming aware of where you are. Get up gradually.